About me

I would swim the Amazon River with 45lbs dumbbells tied to my scrotum and Rosie O’Donnell on my back spitting gravy in my face just to have the chance to share a spaghetti dinner with you on a webcam with a dialup connection. I deeply regret that it is my unfortunate duty to bring it to your attention that you are above and beyond our maximum standards for looks. You are clearly a 9/10 and here we only allow 6/10 maximum. Your account will be CLOSED unless you reply to this message with your name, phone number, your favorite flower, how many Cheetos you can fit in your mouth at once (just curious) and if you prefer Chinese or Italian cuisine. This is very serious business and I would advise you not to take my message lightly or you might anger my boss Poseidon, the lord of the seas.